Peace - An Audit (Excerpts)
Honoured Comptroller 88th Order,
In lieu of full conquest we have opened up trade and diplomatic missions to gain access to the so called "free" planet Kur's resources, and spread Khorne's word to those Mighty who hear His cry. Per your order, I am auditing the MPM effectiveness of our cultural outreach investments thereon....
... The bulk of our Pater's efforts have been focused on traditional methods of spreading glorious rage and violence. A number of fight clubs have been seeded via Crushr across major population centres, proving especially popular with our core demographic (soon-to-be-divorced men ages 37-52). Our agents in the manufacturing sector have also suffused dark-magiks into connecting-wires, so now they only successfully plug in after inexplicably requiring being turned over three times (which when you think about it makes no sense), upping the level of ambient rage by 17%...
... More challenging has been the threatened outbreak of peace between the Gentlefjord Union and the Thronite Imperial Confederacy. As a matter of priority our diplomatic efforts have turned to avoiding this disaster. We are working at all levels, but the Gentlefjord Union in particular has adopted a rather strange form of governance under which regular plebiscites play a non-trivial role. A consequence of this decadent political (dis)order is that, within Gentlefjord Union, mass-persuasion via their popular culture may prove advantageous. As such, a team of logisticians has produced a musical composition optimised for appeal to their youth. I reproduce the lyrics to this below, abridging some of the chorus sections. See attached file for the melody:
Peace
Peace, huh, yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, uh-huh, uh-huh...
Oh peace, I despise
‘For perpetuation of worthless lives
Peace brings tears of boredom to thousands’ eyes
As our sons have nought to do but waste their lives
I said, peace, huh, blood god, y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again
Peace, huh, whoa-oh-whoa-oh, Khorne
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
Peace, generates overpopulation!
Peace, it leads to technical stagnation!
Yea, peace, is an enemy to all mankind
The thought of peace dulls my mind
Peace has caused mass-boredom within the younger generation
Education, then taxation; who wants to thrive?
I said, peace, huh, blood god, y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again...
Oh, peace acts like a soporific drug
Makes men contended, idle and smug
Life is much too long and dull to spend not-fighting wars these days
Peace gives no glory, it only takes it away...
I said, peace, huh, blood god, y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again...
War, strength and mass-murder, tell me
Is there no place for them today?
They say we need peace to enjoy our freedoms
But Khorne knows there's got to be a better way!
I will monitor Peace's effectiveness in swaying public opinion and report back in my next missive.
Your humble (yet Mighty) servant,
Logistician Kakkabu