The Source of Error

Header: a tank of the Sherden Pact

**Recovered from the Incident at the Ashnan branch of the Office of Ceremonial Calculations. All vid pict lost. Begin audio transcript.**

"Alright I'm here Jen'k-iins, what is it? This better be worth getting in early for; I've a female-canid of a hangover."

"Oh I assure you it is, most esteemed logistical comptroller, it certainly is. For, I have discovered the source of error that so bedeviled last half-quarter's projections."

"Blimey, that's great! Good show Jen'k-iins! Ok, talk me through it."

"Thank you wise one, thank you, yes. Well, just after you last left the Office I was graced by a visit from the Sub-Managerial-Logistician-Beta (4th order) himself, nin.. eightfold blessings upon his name, yes, eightfold, yes.... Well, anyway, he made it clear that the error bars on our last MPM projections were far too wide, and that I was not too enjoy the apportioned time-off for the Atrahasis Feast celebrations with everyone else. Oh no, I was not even to down my stylus till we had models fit for purpose."

"Wait, you've been working on this five cycles straight!? By the brass throne, Jen'k-iins! Did you at least get any sleep?"

"Oh no, not at all my comptroller, not at all. The Sub-Managerial-Logistician-Beta (4th order) was quite clear that now was, in his words, "crunch time". When I inquired as to what that meant he clarified that he would crunch my skull if the models were not fine tuned by today. Much joy that they are indeed done, yes yes."

"Ah, well. Quite. In any case, what did you find?"

"The error is random and ineliminable."

"...what?"

"The error in our models, it cannot be reduced."

"Jen'k-iins I think you need sleep, that's not a solution that's the bloody problem! We need to work out why the error is there, see if we can assign it some systematic source and compensate for it. Look, if you're worried about what command will think I ca-"

"No, I must interrupt, comptroller, I simply must interrupt. The error has no systematic source; or, better put, it's source is... the way of things."

awkward silence

"I see you are confused. Let me explain. The more I examined our modelling techniques, the more I saw that there was not one source of error but nine, and that these nine, they show us how things must be, for nine is the path and the gate, nine is the heart of the paradox and the key to its solution, and nine cannot be systematised for nine is ever-changing even as it is ever the same. Now do you see?"

"... I... er... No. No I do not, Jen'k-iins."

Jen'k-iins sighs

"Then I fear I must show you; yes, show you"

sound of chair scraping back

"Jen'k-iins, where are you goi... Jen'k-iins? Jen'k-iins I order you to halt! Stay back! Khorne destroy thee, ar... are those talons!? What, oh ... oh by the blood of the river! "

gunshots followed by incoherent screaming. and squawking.

**Transcript ends**